


I still might run in silence, tears of joy might stain my face

by 4thofFive



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 05:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12904950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4thofFive/pseuds/4thofFive
Summary: Steve has cancer and he and Danny are spending as much time as possible together.I used the major character death tag but we don't see Steve die in this. I couldn't handle that.





	I still might run in silence, tears of joy might stain my face

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm back again after more than a year. I never expected to write another Five-0 fic but Steve's radiation poisoning and the spoiler pic of Steve and Danny as old men got me thinking about this story, which I banged out pretty quickly. Also I'm on medical leave for a couple of weeks so I have time on my hands. I can't promise there will be more after this but who knows.
> 
> Title from the song Gentle on my Mind by John Hartford.

Danny pushed open the screen door with an elbow and stepped onto the lanai, a glass of cool water in one hand and a blanket tucked under his opposite arm. He set the glass down on the table beside Steve and shook out the blanket to cover his husband’s legs.

“You feeling ok, babe?” He inquired gently. “Warm enough?”

Steve looked up at his partner and smiled, a smile that still lit up a room.

“I’m perfect, Danno. Thanks.”

Danny returned his smile tremulously then cleared his throat.

“Well, I should get your dinner started. Tani brought over a nice container of chicken soup. Don’t worry, she didn’t make it herself this time. She knows her limits.” 

As he straightened up to leave Steve reached out a frail hand to stop him.

“No, not just yet. Sit with me for a while.”

Danny swallowed thickly, ready to protest. But one look at Steve’s pleading face made him change his mind. He forced a smile to his face and nodded.

“OK, for a few minutes.” 

Danny sat next to his husband on the couch and wrapped his left arm around the taller man’s shoulders. He sat back on the couch and tried to make his body relax. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to sit with his husband on the lanai enjoying the gentle ocean breezes and watching the waves lap the shore, it was that he wanted it too much. He wanted it forever. And forever was quickly coming to an end.

Danny squeezed his eyes shut against the threatening tears. There had been enough tears when Steve had been diagnosed five months ago. When the bomb that had been ticking inside of Steve for decades finally exploded with a diagnosis of stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

“Hey,” Steve spoke gently, lifting Danny’s hand and slipping his own under it. Danny unconsciously rubbed the near transparent skin of Steve’s hand with his thumb. “What time is Grace bringing the kids over tomorrow?”

Danny swallowed down the lump that had been threatening to choke him for five months and forced cheerfulness into his voice.

“Ah…about 10 a.m. she thinks. You know how hard it is for her to corral all three of them. But knowing they get to visit Grandpa Steve should help get them moving.”

Steve smiled softly, a wistful expression on his face.

“I wish I could play with them in the ocean like we used to. It must be boring for them to come over now.”

Danny removed his left hand from Steve’s shoulder to brush the now grey hair back from his husband’s face.

“Are you kidding, babe? Your SEAL stories are enough to keep them enraptured for hours. Besides, they come here to spend time with you, not be entertained.”

Steve nodded slowly and turned his head to look out at the ocean.

“Do you think Charlie will be able to get leave to come home?”

Danny licked his lips nervously.

“He’s asking for compassionate leave, but you know the navy. Besides, it’s not like there’s any hurry.”

Steve looked back at his husband forcing the other man to meet his eyes.

“Danny…”

“Babe, you’re doing well," Danny interjected quickly, almost desperately. "You’re still able to get around on your own…with a bit of help. You still have an appetite. Things are…you’re doing well.”

Steve drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I know you hate it when I talk about this but…it’s happening, Danny. I can feel it. I’m not saying I’m going to die tomorrow but…we can’t know how long I have left.”

Danny choked back a sob and pressed his free hand to his mouth.

“Don’t, Steve…babe, please…”

Steve reached out and took Danny’s hand away from his mouth and held it in his once again. He pressed them both against his chest.

“Danno, we’ve been so lucky you and I. We’ve had 28 years together since the radiation poisoning. We’ve exceeded everyone’s expectations. But we always knew that it would catch up with me eventually.”

Danny shook his head slowly and blinked hard to stop the threatening tears.

“I know,” he choked out. “I know I just…how do I go on without you? I’m gonna be so lost...”

Danny’s attempts to be strong crumbled and he buried his head in the crook of his husband’s neck and began to cry softly.

Steve released his husband’s hand so he could run his fingers through Danny’s greying hair.

“I know, baby. I know. I’d feel the same way if our positions were reversed. And as selfish as it sounds, I’m glad they aren’t because I couldn’t stand losing you.” Steve’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat loudly before continuing. “But I need you to be strong, babe. For Grace and the kids, for Charlie and for me. You’ve always been the strong one in this relationship and I expect that to continue.”

Danny gave a watery snort and raised his head to wipe his eyes on his shirt at the crook of his elbow.

“What are you talking about? You’re the Super SEAL. You’re Captain America with all your running and jumping and daring-do. I’m just your trusty side-kick.”

Steve chuckled softly at that.

“You’re far more than a side-kick, but that’s not what I meant. Yes, I did a lot of dangerous, crazy things, but you were always the more courageous. It was you who came and got me from North Korea and Afghanistan when you didn’t have to; when you had so much to lose. It was you who rescued me from Wo Fat, and it was you who had the guts to tell me you loved me all those years ago. You made all this happen,” Steve gestured weakly taking in the house and the beach beyond with a pale hand.

“Our lives, our family. If it had been left to me we would never have gotten together. I was always too afraid to say anything, too afraid to admit how I felt, too afraid of ruining our friendship. You’re the brave one, Danno.”

Danny swallowed thickly and smiled at his husband through tear-washed eyes.

“I had to be brave to take you on,” Danny joked weakly. “I couldn’t let anyone else be subjected to your particular brand of crazy.”

Steve grinned happily, his sunken eyes and hollow cheeks almost young again with the love and happiness he felt inside.

“You’ve done the world a favour, I know.”

Danny squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehead to Steve’s emaciated shoulder.

“It was selfish, I didn’t want to let anyone else have you. Didn’t want to go through the rest of my life without you.” 

Danny took in a shaky breath and blew it out hard. He wasn’t going to waste his remaining time with Steve blubbering like an idiot. He saved that for when Steve was asleep, which was most of the day now.

“Danno,” Steve said softly. “When I’m gone let people help you, ok? Don’t give into the dark side. Let Grace and our grandchildren take care of you. Lean on Junior and Tani and their families. They love you, Danno. They’ll make sure you’re not alone. You won’t be alone, ok?”

Danny nodded once and turned his head towards the ocean to hide his brimming eyes from his husband. Steve needed him to be strong, damn it.

“I will I…it won’t be the same though. Nothing will ever be the same again,” Danny ground out, his teeth clenched against the emotion threatening to swamp him. “I’ll never be the same again. Not without you.”

Steve slowly slumped against Danny resting his head on his husband’s still powerful shoulder. He felt a bone-deep tiredness wash over him. It was so damned unfair. He was coming to the end of his life and had so little time left to share with his husband and his family and he spent the majority of it asleep.

“I love you, Danno,” Steve murmured softly, his battle against sleep rapidly failing. “Nothing’s going to change that. I’ve loved you since the day I met you and I’ll love you until we’re together again, ok?”

Steve felt Danny let out a shuddering breath. His husband’s strong arms wrapped around his shoulders and Danny pulled him close to rest against his body. Danny would hold him up. Danny always held him up.

“Ok, babe,” Danny whispered back. “I love you, too. Now go to sleep. I’ll wake you in time to watch the sunset.”

The end.


End file.
